Long times ago, I said I would leave someday, it's only a few friends know that.
Perhaps it's time now, the situation becomes worse and worse, I can't stand it anymore, which makes me made such a decision.
I'm in terrible sleep in recent days, I always fall asleep in a very late time and get up late too. The mood becomes unpredictable, it's none of other's bussniess.
I know I'm under over pressure, that would makes my decision become unreasonable and I don't know it if correct, but the feeling is too strong so that I cannot ignore it.
Here are some inner voices:
"Leave here, leave your enviroment would take you out the situation."
"When you reach the level you should be, you will get respect you deserve."
I often think about "leaving" idea, then the voices come, they make me become excited, just like I can achive the goal suddenly when I leave.
Oh, It's not the time, at least I need a detailed plan and timetable before leaving otherwise I would leave again and again and did nothing. I don't need a teacher or checker, I need action force and a partner.
After thinking of the description above, I know what I want: Be successful without other's attention(so I need a new enviroment), makes a impression that I could be successful effortless,then others would think I must be a genius!
That's the essensce of the whole idea, a stupid idea for a naive purpose.
In my inner opinion, talent is the key to be excellent.
I have to make me know that only effort and persevere bring suceess not gift.(in fact I'm not genius) It would take time to turn over my mindset, but my feeling becomes better than before.(I hope it's not temporary)
no one thought you were a genius, and you are not a trash either, rebuild a new self to face to others.
By the way: writing journal in English is a good way to get relaxed.